Liar Liar

A while ago I posted on lying in children. It has ended up being one of my most read posts. So read, that I did a CBS 11 segment on it. So read, that I'm giving a talk on it today. So read, that I decided to add some more information.


You can read the original post and watch the CBS clip here but to quickly recap: children don't lie to be bad. Are you shocked? Don't be. Kiddos may be avoiding punishment, yes, but in reality they are practicing a new skill they're learning- that I know something you don't know. I can lie to you about it and you won't know that I'm not telling you the truth. 


But why do kids lie? Where does it come from?


Lying comes from a bigger set of skills called Theory of Mind. It's this idea that we can know about our own thoughts and also the thoughts of others. I can know for example, that you're reading this and assume I'm a professional and am giving you credible information. So I could, in theory, be making all of this up. But I also know enough about other people's motives to know that you could find out that I'm not giving you credible information. You could, in essence, find out whether I'm a liar. So I'll tell you the truth :)


How do researchers know when kids learn these Theory of Mind skills? One way is to test how much kiddos know about what someone else knows. Watch this clip of a classic 'false belief' task- in which children's ability to understand that people can have differing beliefs (just because I know something doesn't necessarily mean you do) is tested.





Now, you're probably thinking, 'Wait a second. My 3-year-old lies all the time. He totally knows the difference between what I know and what I don't know. Every time I say, 'Did you brush your teeth?' He shakes his head yes and his toothbrush is bone dry. Does this mean my child is a genius-MENSA-baby?' Yes. Wait, no. Turns out, lying is one of the first cognitively complex skills children learn. That figures, right? Also, you've probably figured out that very young children aren't really the, ahem, best liars. I'm just saying, he could have wet the toothbrush to make it really believable. 


I digress. The point is, this skill is developmental, meaning it doesn't develop overnight. Which is great, because it gives parents an opportunity to intercede and teach kids why the truth is good and lying is not so good. 


I'll talk more about that next time. And also why punishment doesn't work to help your children stop lying :)

Parenting Quick Tip: Don't Get Bogged Down in the Details

When you're in the middle of a struggle with your preschooler, it's super easy to get bogged down in the details, whether it's making sure the clothes match, making him eat all his veggies, or just getting OUT of the store without having a major meltdown. 


Quick tip for today: Think big picture. What am I trying to accomplish here? Getting dressed and out the door in time for school? (Then do matching socks really matter? And really, do they ever?) Making sure he gets enough veggies for the day? (Try another type- carrots, beets, peas, green beans, cherry tomatoes, need I go on?) Happiness on both of our parts? (Carry her out of the store piggy-back, saddle-back, arm-in-arm). 


The point is, sometimes we get so bogged down in the details WITH kids that we forget to take ourselves out of the situation mentally and look at the bigger picture of what we're actually trying to teach or accomplish. Just a thought :)


Happy Thursday!

Parenting Quick Challenge: Summer Breeze

Find one. Just kidding. Well, kind of. Guys. It’s been over 100 degrees here for 15 days straight. Fifteen. And I won’t even tell you what it feels like. Molten lava comes to mind, not that I know what that feels like, but I do think I have a pretty good idea at this point...

Okay really though, the challenge (which we haven’t had in a while, I know, I’m slacking...) is to be like a breeze. If you’ve forgot what that’s like, here’s what one looks like:

Now let’s all do a collective groan and vent about how much we can’t wait for autumn.

Are we done? Okay.

As parents, sometimes you have to try and be like the breeze and just go with things. Move freely, be flexible, sway. It’s tough, but it’s so worth it. I promise. I, for one, am the type of person who loves to be in control all the time. Guess what? Not always a good way to be. Definitely not always a good way to be with kids. When you can be flexible and sway with life, you may even discover new adventures, new things about the world that you never knew were there. It may bring about positive sides of your attitude you never knew were there :)

Now go. Sway.